The Fallen, Memoir of a Death Eater
by Alice Mcgee
Summary: Antione Dolohov tells his story from hogwarts to his years in Azkaban, With his crazy and abusive clan members. Some time funny and other times down right sad its a bold and unforgiven look at daily life in Azkaban and the world from a elite purebloods.
1. Forward

_own by J.K Rowling; A revamp version i did for a rp site I'm now putting on here._

Forward by Author

People ask why on earth would you want to read a book from a Death eater? The question is why would a Death eater write a book for those who aren't like him to read. It fails me to no end the question I get asked a lot from those who consider me a monster. Why did you do it, why do you hate, what good was it to serve the rest of your life for some one who cared little for you?

But it wasn't nothing and no it wasn't just hate we felt it was a sense of belonging that drove us or at least I. Why wait forever for some one who may never come let alone free us. I speck only the truth and for those who say the Dark Lord is evil and that I do not argue, should not read further for the sake of time. For mine is a story I feel needs to be told I've served my time let it be this my confession be enough for I know next life I will suffer more then I have now.


	2. Azskaban

_Still own by J.K Rowling; _

Azkaban

If I could paint a picture of what Azkaban is I paint it full of light, odd for such a dark place there was so much natural light that filter in. Only when the daily Demetors came round was it dark. It was very depressive the light of freedom huge in our face out of reach forever for some of us. Light as well as freedom is a object that can never been held or trap by magic or otherwise it is pure and a god given right which wizard seems too now dictated.

For Wizards there seems to be no more freedom now a days trap in a dark shadowy world where you always keep secrets and hide like your a shame of your powers. First you don't knowdess it then it hits you one day how you seem to crawl from one place to the other alone and always hiding. The cavernous Minister of magic for an example, in the dark bowels of London or even the streets crunch up between building forsaken by growing muggles.

Where from birth you are made proud of your natural talent but in the same sentence become part of a cabal. Then from your parents house your escorted to a huge building, at last Hogwarts where it gives you the impression of freedom but it's just a lovely prison where your hidden and walked outside ever once in a while.

For those muggle born they have a freedom for just couple of years which gives them an access pass, they can play out side in front of cars and shop in huge builds with large handsome store fronts. What ever a Muggle can do they do with out a second thought of who sees them. They take for granted being alive being safe to wander the streets; while we must learn to fight off magic they get a one-way ticket of peace. Think about it when The Dark Lord ran the scene ever wizard feared going out but life when on for Muggles. They came first when there was an attack while Wizards came in second as well as their families. Yes, it was partly my fault there was attacks in the first place but there wasn't just Death eaters even-dark Wizard and Witch since the last couple hundred years.

They don't see us since they don't hide if you haven't had to hide all your like you don't look for what know not of. We are invisible to them. This is why I hated them this is why I when to Azkaban, was it smart of course not. But for the time being it made the shame go away it was a "hey I'm here look at me" "Paid attention we're real".

That's what made The Dark Lord so powerfully he showed us how to acknowledge our self's he stood up for us when the world had forgotten to fear magic. Just him a powerful Wizard telling us to let Muggle see us to remember the fear they had not the fairy tale we had become was freedom. He gave what we really needed not the purification of bloods but the power of what was natural ours what Muggles had taken for granted what muggle born where allowed but not us.

There are a lot of myths about Azkaban yes the Demetour ran round but due to your sentence they only visit you on schedule. For thief you saw them once a week, robbery was twice but for Death eaters it was every other day.

Mine was a twenty minutes before lunch on every other day started Monday. My first time I'd scream till my throat when raw, I blacked out came to later on they held off the next time for me to heal. I learn some thing about it the more still you go in the quicker and faster it got. They do enough to drain my powers and I gave them that just to get it over with.

If you where bad or acted out you got an extra one perhaps five minutes but good enough. Bellatrix was infamous for getting the suckers as we called them, She'd fight them, as they would drag her out of the cell and down to the Demetours room. She tries to scratch them and called them filthy names like "muggle nuts" "limp wands" even the guards had to laugh at her. It was the only fun she found she even said she got use to the Demetours after a while and on hot days would be a relief.

But it was a thing of dread ever time we heard the staff whisper "D.D." Demetour detention. We go quite as they would cart the person off. In chains between to guards some times even four, we'd go silent for them the only respect we ever showed knowing it wasn't an easy thing. Even the hardest of us would crack, wimpier and cry while those meek before would show a moment of bravery.

It was a personal experience for us all they found and brought out your inner demons. If you had a bad child hood they brought you back to it you'd feel helpless once again. If you where abused or alone you feel that again with all your heartache on display. Some times prisoners would come back talking like a child "No, no don't leave me daddy." Some couldn't take one visits with the Demetours and go insane others like us could take years of it.

Even after my first stay I couldn't stand to be around the Demetours when I when back in serves for The Dark Lord. I hated seeing them around and made excuses to pardon myself when ever possible.

In Azkaban D.D made us all equal.


	3. Phaedra

_Not,not mine but J.K Rowlings.  
A little info about the name Phaedra, its greek and belong to a women who went crazy and hang herself after being rejected by her step son. I have always loved the name and after hearing an old 60's song title after her it make the story Pheadra even more sad._

Phaedra

Not all wizards' stay in here forever some come and stay for a month and get too freak out to break a law again or at least not make it easy to get caught. Petty criminals like Willy Winddershins had to be imprison but didn't get any D.D time he'd do three weeks and be back in again.

We'd get to see who was coming from a chalk bored that stood be hide the guard tower inside the hall. Newbie would first be written up parted up with a cell buddy; Bellatrix got her own cell across for her husband cause of her fits. Usually they pair up first timers with the Willy kinds. No one wanted to bunk with Death eaters.

After they where clean, tagged and then given a magic suck which was some times done with out Demetours they where shown to the hall. The Death eaters would take up one side for them self's while newbie's and other took the other side. We claim the couch and padded chairs while the others got to sit on floors or lean up on walls.

Many didn't bother to come to the halls during the day to keep out of our way. Some could stay in their cells while the Keepers brought them food and clean clothes while taken them out once in a while for air and exercise.

Usually we didn't bother to get to know those who weren't in for the long haul but there was an exception.

I remember it was early spring and the call was put thought in the guards tower Mr. Zeller was called in for a "Newbie, a MP" I turn to Bellatrix who was making a game out of trapping a bug with her heel.

"What's a MP?"I ask

"Mental penitent." Bellatrix knew every thing. "Crazies…" she smiled wickedly.

Every once in awhile St mongo would have a case who was too violent to handle so they brought them here for safe keeping in till they clam down with potions. They were kept in a patted room Bellatrix loved to break in to it and bounce around for a while.

To our surprise between two oxen like guards a frail thin wild eye girl around her early twenties her hair was still wet from the bathhouse and her number was stamped on a paper bracelet around her wrist. She was dressed in an St Mongos gown and slippers her teeth where super straight and white, her skin was yellow and her blue vein stood out. Mr. Zeller called her Phaedra and already we were buzzing on what she did to get landed in here.

"Killed some one " cried Bellatrix "You have to get landed here."

"It could have been form one of our stuff." I said my mind racing from all the damage spells I put out.

"Could have a go at that," Wink Rabastan, Bellatrix brother in law.

Mr. Zeller was quick to watch her he'd walk the grounds instead of sitting in the tower. Bellatrix was quick to take an interested in her making it her goal to get past Mr. Zeller. Bellatrix sunk off down the cell hall where at the end was the padded room or Phaedra's room. Her boots made noises and she crept comical down the hall.

Mr. Zeller stood by his eyes darted down the hall at her. "Come now love," he would call all the girls love "You don't want to be pointing round your noses where it doesn't belong."

"Fuck off!" cried Phaedra from her cell.

Bellatrix was take a back he was talking to Phaedra not her.

"Come now, Bella only wants to say hi?" Said Mr. Zeller

Bellatrix had peeked her head in the small window from inside we heard "Goddamn it!" the door came open and Bellatrix creep in, the door closed.

They where in there a while once we were march out towards the lunch hall did we get to see Bellatrix what ever Phaedra said to her was never talked about but Bellatrix became fond of Her as we all did. She had a life to her that none of us had she was out spoken and had energy for trills Bellatrix hatch out. Thinking about her brings a smile to my face even now if I was younger at the time I would have called it a crush.

She didn't fight the guards like Bellatrix maybe a smart ass but far from the warriors we were. She was allowed smokes, which she shared getting me hooked on later on. She wore muggle's clothes making them cool. She'd wear tight high boots and mini skirts that showed how her butt made semi circles when she walked.

'Robes are out of date." She said

"Ugh," Bellatrix sneer she liked her corset and robes.

There was a dark side to Phaedra one that would always take her back to St Mongo's. It was late at night that same spring, Phaedra sat in the hall on Mr. Zellers chair. She had a smoke in one hand her arm and her ankles crosses. She was looking far off I could hear her chipping which I thought at first was a mouse. Taking a seat next to her and gaze as the cherry butt of her fag fell by her unaware. It wasn't a surprise she stay in the hall all night since she never slept but when we when to greet her the next morning she was still sitting in the same position.

Bellatrix noise curled and She mouthed, "She wet herself"

She wouldn't move and when she did it was by the hands of her Healer she was cold and waxy to the touch. She whisper but we couldn't make out a word she says. She wouldn't look you in the eyes no matter how much you shouted at her. Her nurse had to force feed her with a tube, chance her and give her potions every hour. Nothing brought her out of it and after a half of a week of it she was moved back to St. Mungo's.

She came back after a month or two and then go back in to her self after five years of this we were use to it. Phaedra called it her other world. "It's like I go to do some thing and I'm in another place I forget time and I'm some one else." She got excited when she talked about it.

A weeks before the break out she had a big melt down she was crying and yelled her self horse the guards tried to calm her nurse gave her calming potion but nothing seem to help. The nurse had brought us in to see if we could bring her down I still remember going in to her padded room.

The room had a matters and a blanket there wasn't a bathroom nor was there a window the lights was be hide bars seven feet above our heads. She was wearing her St Mongo's gown her eyes where red and her voice raw. Her figure nails were rub down to the quick she had been ripping at the walls her nubs were red.

"Hey Phea," I said.

"There giving me the shocking spells." she said

Bellatrix cursed.

Phaedra turn to her. "His coming I can hear him, Rini please."

We exchange glances Phaedra never talked about her life her mother came to she her often but Phaedra was never close to her she would have fights a lot but then Mr. Zeller thought it was brave of her to at least see her.

"Who's coming back?" I asked.

Phaedra stared to whimper and cry as she stare at the door she cover her head and begin to scream. "His head he has no head!!" she says over and over again.

They took her away, some time later Mr. Zeller came to us.

"I'm glad to announce that St Mongo's now has a ward for Phaedra."

"Who's that? Said Malfoy "The ward the one I gave gold for?"

"What was wrong with her?" asked Rookwood

"Unfortunately she had many mental issues,"

"Was she one of ours?" asked Malfoy

"Yeah," I said

"Her father had died," came a lone voice it was Nott, "I remember reading it in the Daily Prophet, yeah she sat for three days trap in her rubble house her fathers dismember head next to her. She said she had to kept still so none of his blood got on her."

For those who knew her we held a moment of silence for Phaedra.


	4. Keepers

_J.K Rowling owns the rights to the characters no money is being made out of this story.  
Note; there was a Mr. Zeller he was a nurse who took care of me when i was in the hosptial, i made him a character here. :)_

Keepers

All the guards where Aurors all Keepers where normal law enforcement, we hated the guards but the Keepers they could be friendly. Mr.Zeller was a Keeper he took care of our daily needs he over saw the Healers who gave Phaedra her potions. He was clam and didn't shout at us he was easy going and would kindly tuck us to our cells after our D.D.

He over saw weekdays he knew all the names of the inmates and he was casual with the guards who ended up liking him for that. He would walk the ground break up fights and bring order he knew the signs of an oncoming battle. He knew how to calm Bellatrix or talk her out of her plans which was pretty hard. He'd keep Rastaban from Phaedra also change her when she was in her state. He also was kind enough to let the Draco, Lucius son, see his father in a nice room rather then the hard hall.

Mr.Zeller plan parties when Phea was around getting us all involved sneaking in wine and such if we were good. He brought in the world with newspapers, popular books and W.W.N., which we'd listen all day long.

Mr. Zeller was always Mr.Zeller, not Z or Zeller just Mr. Zeller.

Burt was the night Keeper he was weird and always stays beside the tower. He was a yank like most of the keepers for the Death eaters, an old way they use to keep us from killing there families. He wore thick sole shoes and he rarely spoke, when fights broke out he'd turn a switch to alter the Demetours.

His breath was strong with black coffee you'd have to turn your face a little to keep from getting the whole blast of the smell. But he let us listen to W.W.N and didn't mind if we smoked or talked loud he wasn't "paid enough to bother bully us round." He'd always say that to the guards if they didn't like us talking back.

Weekend Keepers where a rotation of different Wizards and Witch's some where case works who help weed out problems like those who had exhibition problems like those who showed off in front of Muggles, they where deemed issues cases. Others came for those who had drinking problems there where groups therapy which Phaedra had to attended. We sat in just to cause trouble and make the once bubblely witch's snap.

Mad eye Moody worked part time as guards slash Keeper. He bullied us around bringing out the "systems" to make life miserable.

"But I am old enough to smoke!" said Phaedra

"The buds can burn some one or start potions."

"Not my belt!"

"Some one could hang them self's."

"Who would do that?"

"He mean hang some one else." Said Bella she glare at a newbie

Mr. Zeller didn't bother Mad eye's Moody's ways. You'd get Mad eye when there was one too many fights or an escape in the building it self. Anther thing they didn't tell people about, although Sirus Black was the only one who escaped, there were out breaks all the time. Bellatrix could fast for a day and squeeze her way threw the bars and escape to the guard's rooms or their lobby Stealing fags, butterbeer or such.

Mad eye would make sweeps thought each cell looking for past out breaks steals, unlawfully items snuck in. He'd point out who did what and make them turn on the other for every item he found more privileges where taken away we knew his trick and didn't fall for it. He'd hover over you with said item in you face like a cat with a dead mouse his wild eye spin round his head.

"You can't do this!" Phaedra shouted "I have right's I'm sick not a criminal! I'm no slimy Death Eater!"

Bellatrix stuck out her tongue at Phaedra. "Well I'm crazy too!" And she got in to mad eyes' face not touching but really close. He recalled back they hated to be touch or when we invaded their space.

"Cause you're an inbred," she said.


	5. Scar tissue

_Owned by J.K Rowling; How am I driving call 1-800-review...?_

Scar tissue

Augustus Rockwood had a bad case of spattergruit when he was a kid. It covered his face wrapping around his neck working down his back and ending on his left elbow. The scar tissue was so callus lacking pores and pallor, colors rang from purple to a mole color brown.

Regardless on how much he washed he would always look grimy, hard and rouged. He didn't need to be a bad ass or even have a dark mark to look tough it was printed on his face.

Rockwood did have the loveliest pair of green eyes, large with long girl lashes that brush his scar cheek when he blinked. He must have looked like an angel when he was younger, did his parent coo over him did he win girls over?

When he got sick did it stop? Did his mother cringe when she looked at him did the girls stop calling? I wonder if his damage looked contributed to his life of crime why he turned his back on his job for a life following The Dark Lord.

No one who joins ever comes from a happy background, for sure they don't have a loving mummy and dad. My parents hated each other, Puppy love only goes on for so long and once out of Hogwarts they were married and had me. Being born a boy didn't help, the ratio of pure blood boys to girls is off balance my birth only help push them apart and seeing as they weren't on good terms trying for a girl was out of the question.

Divorce isn't smiled upon, with the lack of suitable partners it practically a sin.

They really never loved me but would I be worse if they had once, then ignored me after I got injured?

Not surprised, he wasn't married and never really bedded any of the other witches who were in with us, although Bella gave him a little some thing once.

Out side he had been an unmentionable at the Department, he was hired before the ministry let up about its existence. A brilliant wizard at magic, began to work there at age twenty who later got promoted to the department at twenty six. He talked about the bizarre goings ons from trying to fingerer reincarnation to finding alien magic on the moon.

"I always knew they were hiding the truth," said Phaedra she was big in conspiracy theories.

"I saw an alien once," said Rodolphus

Bella roll her eyes "You and a bunch of Muggles."

Rockwood just rasied his shoulders he wasn't much of a talker but when he would talk we'd listen. He sat with us taken a spot between the wall and the clamest person in the room and shared a fag with Phaedra. He'd go bravely when he had D.D, he'd whimper and maybe cry a little but nothing too bad.

One afternoon, during the second inprisonment, we heard weeping which surprised us; the Demetours were long gone having been disown by the ministry for being backstabbers.

Mr. Zeller had asked around during head count but none of us knew.

"Its Rockwood," said Lucius

By dusk his crying became screams and Mr. Zeller when in side his cell room with two guards, he was bang his furniture around and cursing loudly. They lead him out when he had quiet down a bit, the thing that struck me the most was how still he was, how blank his face was. They took him to stay in the hospital wing, there he stayed till he stole a switch bland and gash his body up really bad.

He must have escape the claming potion some how and hidden in a down stairs shower room. From what the night Keeper had said he had taken his time to slice up his whole body, slowly bleeding to dead. The news shocked us, no Death Eater had ever taken he's own life nor would one think Rockwood would have been the first.

They said the only part that wasn't cut, when they found his body was around his eyes.


End file.
